1.--: "B.Y.O.B." aka "Once Again Brandon Can't Handle Substances"

So now that I've quit my soul-sucking job in preparation for major surgery, I have plenty of time on my hands to dive deep into the murky waters of the 90210.  

Here it is, nestled comfortably into the middle of Season One, brought to you by Spelling Entertainment: the Alcohol Social Message Episode.  So Brandon's "shady past" comes out in this episode when Jim and Cindy go to Palm Springs, ostensibly for a work thing for Jim, but really because they just want to have hot middle-aged sex for two days.  Ew.  The Walsh's conservative "Just say no" attitude about drinking leaves Brenda pissed and Brandon, of course, the well-behaved forty-seven year old son he is.  Brenda throws a party, it gets out of hand - obviously - and yaddah yaddah yaddah, Brandon wrecks Mondale, his car.

From the case:

"B.Y.O.B" - Original Airdate: January 10, 1991

Both Walsh twins face the temptation to drink alcohol when their peers are doing it all around them.  The issue comes to a head when their parents leave town, and Brenda and Brandon throw a party that quickly gets out of hand.

• Donna announces a hot last-minute party in the hallways of West Bev wearing a Peter Pan collar and a crocheted sweater.  
• There are many things wrong with Brenda in this scene.  Her hair looks like it was styled by an 89 year old vet whose eyes were injured by mustard gas and whose hands have been shaky since the trenches.  It's like they tried to style her hair the way my dad does his hair, only they came out looking way worse.  Then, she's wearing some sort of...crocheted...SOMETHING...it's white...is it made out of...paper?  Also, I guess natural brows were in?
• Yeah, it's like a paper blazer.  Hmmm.  Did she get that at Ross?
• Hotels turn Jim Walsh on.  That's pretty new money.
• They're talking about Palm Springs as though it's El Dorado.
• Damn, here comes Andrea.  Tickets to the "Music Center?"  Then she calls them theatre tickets.  Then she says she'll stop by.  WHY IS BRANDON FRIENDS WITH ANDREA?!
• Brandon's wearing a tie, and Brenda is wearing an oversized olive-colored blazer.  Her hair looks LIKE SHIT.
• In no time, there are over 100 people, some of whom have large Peter Pan style collars on their puce-colored jumpers.
• Oooh, now Brenda's all high and mighty about drinking.  Loosen up, freakshow.
• But now Brandon's old self is back, doing shots on the staircase.  You rebel you.
• Uh-oh, Cindy's checking in on them...
• Jason Priestly is a dream boat.  And he's hella hot when he acts like a drunken buffoon.
• Oh shit, the pigs have arrived.
• Dylan, the wise old man, knows how to handle the police.
• Actually, Brenda's blazer is multi-tonal.
• Just a noise complaint.  Phew.  In the clear.
• Steve's making a drink with Hawaiian Punch and "Vitamins A, B, C, and T."  "T?" "Tequila!"  What are A, B, and C?  Absinthe, Bourbon, and...and...
• Andrea's here.  Now the party can really start.
• EW OMG JIM HAS A SWEATER OF CHEST HAIR.  The southern couple are joining Jim and Cindy in the hot tub, and they're nudists.